Have you ever started something new and felt like no one supported you? Or even worse, they actually try to pull you away from what you’re trying to achieve. They belittle your goals and accomplishments because they “don’t see the point” and don’t know why you even bother.
This can happen in a variety of situations throughout our lives, but it is definitely prevalent in the fitness world. Maybe you’re attempting to lose 20 pounds. It could be that you want a six pack for the first time in your life. Or it could even be something as significant as a complete lifestyle transformation. You would think everyone in your circle would be behind you 100%, right? Unfortunately that’s not always the case. As a matter of fact, plenty of our clients reach out to us asking what to do about the negative, unsupportive people in their lives.
So what do you do?
Well, it depends on the situation. How significantly you are trying to change your life will dictate how much you will have to decide to change.. And WHO…
You’re not going to say goodbye forever to your parents because they encourage you to enjoy the desserts at a family gathering while you’re in the middle of a cut. But if you’re prepping for a show and your friends are always pushing you to go out and drink with them no matter how many times you tell them what you’re doing, you may want to go MIA until after your show.
“Come on! You can go back to starving yourself after tonight! We’re all gonna be there!”
Some of our friends will get it and some won’t. Some will be there to push us harder than we could have pushed ourselves, and others will do nothing but stand in our way. Are you strong enough to withstand the pressure? If you’re not, then you have a decision to make. Do you give in and give up on your goals or do you reconsider your inner circle of friends.. If they don’t raise you up, do you really want that friend in your life anyway? It’s one thing to not understand what you’re doing and an entirely different thing to put it down. So before you do write anyone off, keep that in mind.
So I can’t have friends if I have goals?
They say you are the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time with. I’d say that’s pretty accurate. If I could golf every Sunday with Bill Gates, Tim Ferris, Michael Jordan, Mark Zuckerberg, and Dwayne Johnson there’s a good chance I’d be pretty successful. You talk about a plethora of knowledge, hard work, and success… But we don’t all have an A-list like that. However, we can create our own A-list. You meet the people most like you by doing what you like to do.. So if you’re riding this fitness wave, there are about 10 million people waiting to be your friend. You could meet them at your gym, at a show, a competition, or maybe a local rec sports league. These people will probably understand what you’re going through. And even better, they can probably offer you ADVICE on how to do it better!
I’m not saying to go replace all of your friends with professional athletes, but could broadening your horizons help you out? Probably.. But before you do anything, make sure your crew knows what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and how important it is to you. That’s how you draw the line in the sand. The people who walk across that line to stand on your side are people who add value to your life. Those who stay on the other side? You can take or leave them at your own discretion.
Balancing this beautiful life
I was the party animal in college. I’m not saying I was A party animal.. In the zoo we called a house, I was THE party animal among our party animals. 5 years later my hobbies include sports, lifting, traveling and exploring this beautiful planet that we live on, and finding a tv series and binge-watching the entire thing until I’m depressed that it’s over and I find another one.
Did I find all new friends in the process? Nope. I definitely made plenty of new friends, especially since I spent a year living on the golden coast 3000 miles away from almost everyone I knew. But my best friends are still my best friends. Some of them share my interests and some of them don’t. I see some of them more than others, but a lot of that has to do with geography.
I’m pretty good at saying no. And my friendships are strong enough to have lasted that. I pissed them off for quite a while when they realized I wasn’t the person who was hitting clubs with them any more. But after a while they understood what I was doing and they accepted it. And they’re still my best friends because of that. There are some people who definitely phased out of my life because of it, but that’s ok too. They like what they like and I like what I like. If I saw them for the first time in a few years I’d still give them a massive hug- and then probably not cross paths for another couple of years.
We don’t have enough time to make everyone happy. Decide what’s important to you and who’s important to you. Figure out who brings the most value to your life and who is just taking up space in it. Then get to chasing your goals! You don’t have to stand alone on the mountain top.. You just have to figure out who is willing to climb it with you.